Never Stop Losing You
by BaronessBlixen
Summary: Missing scene from 03x15 "Quiet Minds": Emma and David need to get back to the apartment and find Zelena. What Emma really needs, though, is to not think about Neal. Short one-shot.


**A/N:** I guess this is me dealing with the death. Wrote this at work today, so… It's a missing scene-type of thing. It was supposed to be Daddy Charming, but alas. Comments of any kind are very much appreciated. Thank you.

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Emma's heart beats normally. She knows this, because she knows what it feels like when it doesn't. Agitation when she's anxious; when Henry disappeared into that portal. Angry, forceful beats whenever someone threatens her or her family. The heavy emptiness when she loses; Graham, Henry, Neal... there's so much loss. And now her heart beats normally. The tears are on her face and she feels them whenever the winds gently strokes her face. Feels the wetness, feels it there on her face. Her heart, however, it still beats normally.

"Emma!" David runs towards her and Emma stops walking. He knows what has happened, she can see it on his face. For a moment he seems uncertain what to do. The moment doesn't last. They have been here before. Emma has lost Neal before; she's always losing him. He takes her into his arms and Emma lets him. His warm arms, his loving words in her ear that she hardly hears make her cry again.

"It's going to be ok." David whispers and Emma wants to scream at him that it can never be ok again. She wants to yell at him that their family motto is that they will always find each other. Neal was family. He _is_ family, Emma reminds herself. And she has found him. Too late. She's the savior, but she never seems to save anyone. Never.

"You're not alone. We'll get through this together."

The words reach her, but they don't at the same time. There are other words in her head. The ones she threw at him back in Neverland, back in the echo caves. His dark, wet eyes when she told him that she'd wished he was dead. The words sting like a sword. Except for in her heart. It's betraying her one beat at a time. The pain sits somewhere else this time. It's regret, it's fear and it's all in her head.

"We need to get back," Emma says against David's shoulder, and her words surprise them both. She lets go of him and immediately misses his warmth, his protection. There's sorrow in his eyes and Emma knows that all he's ever wanted for her was to find her happy ending. And yet she always ends up here; losing someone to something she has no control over.

"It's… Zelena. That's what he said. Zelena. She's the witch." Her voice comes back more forcefully with each syllable. Her heart, suddenly accelerates. Not because of Neal. There is a short second when the pain empowers her, when she is not sure where all of this comes from. Images fire away in front of her. His sly smile upon meeting her. His gentle hands on her body the first time they made love. His thoughtful, almost weary eyes when they talk about Tallahassee. His anger and confusion when he finds out about Henry. The love he feels for his son. This is what almost does it; almost breaks her heart in two. Her only comfort, however small it may be, is that Neal is the hero Emma has always dreamed him to be.

"Zelena," she says again, "we need to get to Mary Margaret!" She starts running and her heart is with her all the while. It speeds up with her, it doesn't stop. They don't know what the witch – Zelena – is planning, but Emma needs to save her mother. Henry. Neal will live on in his son, she tells herself. Emma swallows hard, her feet never stopping. Henry doesn't remember him. She'll tell him. She'll him his father died a hero – and this time it won't be a lie.

"Emma, wait." David is right behind her. His voice soft, his hand on her back. Guiding her gently, because she thinks she might have lost her way. And she's panting, her heart violently beating against her chest now.

"David, we need to get to Mary Margaret." He wants to say something; more. But he doesn't. He nods before he gently guides her into the car.

"If you want to-"

"Not now, please, David. I need to-" Emma stops, because she doesn't know what she needs. She needs Neal to not be dead. She needs all of this to stop. She was happy, she was wants to scream at him. That's what she needs; happiness.

And David understands. At first he is quiet, but then he isn't. He starts talking. Emma knows he wants to talk about Neal and he wants to console her. But he knows this isn't the time. For some reason she doesn't quite comprehend, he gets her. So he talks about Zelena. How he thought something was off about her and how her mother is just too trusting sometimes. He talks about what they'll have to do – contact Regina. He doesn't mention Belle, but Emma makes the connection anyway. His words do the trick. She's distracted. She feels a fiery anger inside of her; the one Regina talked about in Neverland. Her heart beats slowly, surely. Her eyes dry up.

Emma's feet seem heavy as they run upstairs. She isn't fast enough. Again, she won't be able to save someone she loves. They burst through the door and Emma's heart fills with something akin to joy when she sees Mary Margaret. The heavily pregnant woman startles, but Zelena is nowhere in sight and she seems unharmed. She is no longer in the bathroom; the witch is gone. The worried look from her mother breaks something in Emma. She doesn't want this. She is tired of fighting. She's exhausted. She's had a taste now what happiness feels like. Mary Margaret's hand goes to her stomach and David is right behind his wife. Those are her parents and Emma isn't sure she can let go. She just lost Neal – _again_. These two always find each other. Maybe it's her destination to constantly lose Neal. She knows nothing else.

"Neal," just saying his name; one of his names, she reminds himself, because he's also Baelfire. He's also the son that Rumpelstiltskin lost, "he's… he's dead." David runs his fingers through his hair, because this time it's Mary Margaret's turn. Emma knows this, but she doesn't know the waterfall of emotion that breaks over her as her mother hugs her. The bump hits her in the stomach and she's almost certain her little sibling kicks at her. This new life almost makes her smile again. Her heart, once again, betrays her feelings. It beats slowly, uninterested, in her chest. Emma closes her eyes, because she can't stand her father's worried look. She counts her heartbeat, waits for another little kick and then she opens her eyes again. The tears will dry. The pain will turn into a dull reminder, another scar to define her.

"Let's go and find this witch." She tells them with conviction in her voice. The necklace he returned to her seems to burn in her pocket. She touches it, almost believes it gives her power.

What she knows, however, is that she has to do this.

For Neal.

_**The End**_


End file.
